Dear Telstra,
I had to write.
You see, your SmarterBusiness™ newsletter popped into my inbox the other day. While ‘The Definitive Guide to Selling Online’, isn’t a world beating headline, the word ‘definitive’ gets me every time, so I opened it.
And 2 minutes later I unsubscribed.
Here’s the thing. I’m just humble freelance copywriter with a handful of loyal clients and a modest income, while you, Telstra, well you grossed over 28 billion Australian dollars last year.
I bet that pays for some serious muscle in your marketing department.
So you probably don’t need my advice on how you could improve your email marketing and keep your subscribers. But I’m going to give it to you anyway.
Here are my 3 hot tips to instantly improve your emails. (You can have them for free. I roll like that).
Hot Tip #1: When you promise something in your headline, deliver it
If your subject line is ‘The Definitive Guide to Selling Online’, I would expect the article to be front and centre when I open the email. But you buried it below the fold. It was the fifth link in the newsletter.
I’m a busy person, Telstra. Don’t make me work so hard.
Hot Tip #2: If you’re going to give marketing advice, follow it
So, your lead article wasn’t as promised.
It was ‘E-commerce: Customers want a personalised experience.’
No kidding!
I am one of your customers. Yet there was not one skerrick of personalization in your email. Not one.
My name’s Mel, by the way.
Hot Tip #3: Your opt-out message is just as important as your newsletter. Don’t blow it.
You made me work too hard to find the information you promised in your subject line. Then you didn’t live up to your own advice in your lead article.
So, I hit unsubscribe.
And guess what popped up next?
An opt-out message so excruciatingly bad it’s hard to count the ways.
But let’s give it a go:
- The subject line is about as exciting as my tax file number. I’m opting out, Telstra. This is your opportunity to entice me back. Maybe with something warm and fuzzy like, We’re so sorry to see you go. Perhaps this might change your mind. . .
- It gets worse. “PLEASE DO NOT REPLY.” Well, that’s friendly. I wasn’t actually intending to reply, but you’ve reaffirmed my decision to opt-out. Thank you.
- And just in case I didn’t get the message, you feel the need to repeat it: “Please do not reply directly to this e-mail as it has been sent from an unattended mailbox.” This is the online version of Talk to the Hand or Tell someone who cares.
- “Dear Customer”. Is that your attempt at personalization?
- “We will process your request within 5 working days.” What the. . .!!! You’re using email automation, Telstra. Opting out of an email list these days is automatic and instant. And if for a moment I believe you have some dusty old clerk sitting behind a computer, manually removing my name from your subscriber list, why on earth would you advertise the fact that it’s going to take him 5 whole days to get around to it?
- “Thank you for being with Telstra.” But I’m not. That’s the whole point. I just opted out!
Cheers, Mel
Photo by Mathyas Kurmann on Unsplash (Thanks, Mathyas)
Mel,
Great job on the graphics in this post. They drive home the points in the text and add interest to the post. You’ve given me a format I can aspire to. Thanks!
Thanks, Linda.
Somehow I got signed up for daily news bulletins from The Times (of London). Opting out repeatedly had no effect. I entered a false email address. Still got the daily newsletters.
Finally I wrote to their customer service: up to 28 days it takes them to remove someone from their list!!! It can get worse.
Funny when someone unsubscribes from my newsletter, it’s immediate.
Yeh, funny that, isn’t it. Obviously the Times does have some dusty old clerk removing people manually. Thanks for your comment, Patti.
Cheers, Mel
Thanks for making me literally LOL, Mel – loved it! 🙂
Seriously though, fab post – so many valuable points. I’ve honestly never given a lot of attention towards opt-out messages, however now that I think about it, I think I’ve only ever retracted an unsubscribe once because yep, it was pretty much the opposite of this one! Hilarious.
Yeah, I don’t often pay attention to opt out messages, but this one felt like a slap in the face with a wet fish. I couldn’t let it go unpunished!
Thanks for your comment, Anne.
Cheers, Mel
Hope they will read your letter.
Cheers!
Thanks!
Great story! It’s taken me months sometimes to cancel emails.
I’m just starting out as a copywriter. Well, continuing, but from forty years ago!
Back then, I had to do direct mail, since email was not yet widely available, and wouldn’t become widely available until the mid 1990s. So my copywriter and marketing was direct mail from list from Dun and Bradstreet that I had to run queries to get my ideal clients.
I also did ten second commercials during morning drive time. The company I worked for was a service bureau that took necessary information on forms, then keypunched the data, and ran the programs that created the reports. I loved it!
But, I got married and had to have a steady income so I became a programmer/analyst which surprisingly, has the same skill set as required by a copywriter.
Hi Barry,
Thanks for your comments. I remember Dun and Bradstreet. OMG – that takes me back!
Good luck with your copywriting.
Cheers, Mel
Hi there, I ran across your blog by means of Bing even though buying identical topic, your website emerged, it’s wonderful. We’ve book marked to be able to my favorites.
It’s going to be finish of mine day, however before
ending I am reading this great post to increase my experience.
Glad to have helped.
This is GOLD and a “teachable moment” – too bad greedy monopolists will refuse to read it.
Thanks Bill. Yes, I wrote it tongue in cheek, but I’d love to think someone at Telstra might have seen it. Wishful thinking, huh?
Cheers, Mel
What a great site, I love everything you write. Please keep writing and Ill keep coming!
Nice read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch since I found it for him smile Therefore let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!
Well, who said there’s no such thing as a free lunch!